How to write a best man’s speech
Undoubtedly the most terrifying aspect of being best man, other than having to dance with the bride’s ugly step-sister of a bridesmaid at the reception, is giving your speech.
It’s always been a mystery to us why your so called best friend rewards you for years of friendship by making you stand up in front of a group of people, most of whom you probably don’t know, and insists you try to make them laugh. But, heh, we don’t make the rules so to help you through the ordeal (sorry, privilege) here’s our extremely handy guide to writing a best man’s speech.
(Of course, if you can't be bothered to read the whole guide, a shortened version of this article can be found here.)
Coming up with ideas
The first thing you need to do (preferably quite a long way in advance of the wedding) is to sit down and think of everything you know about the groom. Seriously. Everything. Put it all down: all the things you’ve done together, everything you know about his family, about his job, his interests, his education…everything. Let the ideas flow so that his life, as you know it, is on that piece of paper (or perhaps several pieces). For now, forget about whether it’s funny or interesting, just get it all down.
Once done, look at your notes. Are there any aspects of the groom’s life that you don’t know much about? It may well be that you know him from school but aren’t too sure about what he got up to at say university. Work out which bits of his life you don’t know about and make a list.
Having worked out what you’re missing out on, get in touch with people who do know about those parts of the groom’s life. Contact his parents and find out what he was like as a kid. Give his bride-to-be a call and find out what he’s like to live with or what little quirks he has. Whoever you think may be helpful, try and get in touch with them and get them to fill you in and, hopefully, give you some funny stories.
Even for those times and areas of his life you know well, there may be things you don’t know or have forgotten. Get in touch with his other mates and get them to remind you of things that happened involving the stag. Remember, concentrate on getting as much information as you can.
If you’re still a bit stuck for ideas, there are a few ways to come up with extra material. For example:
After this, you should have loads of information about the groom and you can start to think about what you’re actually going to say.
Content
You need to start whittling down the information into a lean, funny and charming speech. There’s no obvious way to do this without knowing what you’ve been told but keep in mind the following rules of thumb:
- Keep it clean(ish) so rule out the stories about the more disgusting things he’s done – remember, there may well be grandparents in the audience as well as all of his mates.
- Do find something nice to say. You should make it clear that you don’t think the groom is a total twat so find something that paints him in a positive light who clearly should be welcomed into the bride’s family.
- Don’t talk about the stag do. This should be obvious but you do hear speeches in which tales of stag night debauchery are told and it makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Unless you’re absolutely sure it’ll go down well, leave the stag do alone.
- Don’t talk about the groom’s ex-girlfriends. Surely this is obvious? It’s the bride’s day. She’s probably thought about this since she was a little girl and now the big day is here, the last thing she wants to hear is any reference whatsoever to the fact that the groom had a sex life prior to her should be ruled out altogether.
- Don’t make oblique references to something that only you, the groom and maybe a handful of others know about – no-one else will get it and so no-one else will laugh.
In working out which stories will be best, you could try running a few of them past people. Test them out on your friends and get feedback on whether they think they’re funny enough for the speech. Alternatively, try writing out the stories in different ways. Compare the different versions and work out which one you think is funnier or more charming.
In addition to your speech itself, you mustn’t forget a couple of formalities. Make sure you say something nice about the bride and how good the couple are together. At the start you should thank the bridesmaids for their help and do say how lovely they look, even if no-one agrees with you.
Length
There is only one thing you need to know about the length and that is to keep the thing short. It’s got to be funny, it’s got to be sweet but you’ll lose a lot of good will if you drone on for more than about 10 minutes. Any longer and you’ll start to lose an audience that has probably been listening to speeches for about half an hour and will be keen to get to the bar or the toilet. So, keep it to 10 minutes or less unless you really are the funniest person in the world.
There should be no reason why you need to speak for longer than this. If you’ve filtered your information properly, you should be left with only the best stories to tell. Even if you’re tempted to tell just one more story, either resist temptation or cut another part of the speech. Seriously, a few quality stories is vastly better than a huge amount of stuff that no-one really cares about.
Structure
Okay, you’re not doing a work presentation but a good structure to the speech will really help in 2 ways. Firstly, it will help to stop you from going off on a tangent and, even if you do, it will help to bring you back on course. Secondly, it will help the audience to follow what you’re saying.
Given that the basic idea of the speech is to tell some funny and, possibly, some touching stories about the groom, you need to organise them into a decent structure. We think there are 2 main options: chronological or thematic.
Chronological
This is easier as you would simply talk about how the groom was as a child, how he was at school/university/work etc, how he met his bride and what he’s like now. There really isn’t much more to it than this – it all really follows on from itself. The advantage of doing like this is that it’s simple and everyone will know what you’re trying to do. On the other hand, it can mean you try and talk about every part of the groom’s life and end up going on for far too long.
Thematic
Rather than starting at the beginning and finishing with the wedding, it can be a lot more interesting if you just pick particular aspects of the groom’s life/personality and focus on the stories that best illustrate these. If you choose to do this then you need to make it clear at the start of the speech. Say something like “I don’t want to go on too much so I’m going to focus on those parts of [groom’s name]’s life which I think it’s only fair to let his in-laws know about: his appearance, his sporting prowess and his laziness.” Then deal with each of these things in turn.
General points
It’s a good idea to the start the speech by complimenting the bridesmaids and telling the bride how lovely she looks – it’ll get the audience on side immediately and it’ll help you to settle into your stride before getting into the main part of the speech. If you don’t do it at the start, make sure you do propose a toast to the bridesmaids at some point.
Don’t forget to thank the groom for asking you to be best man – it may be an awful experience but it’s also a terrific privilege and you should thank him.
If you’re really nervous, saying something self-deprecating could help to get the audience on side. (On the other hand, if you’re pretty confident about the speech, starting with a cocky joke about how great it’s going to be can be really funny because the audience won’t be expecting it.)
As a rule, it is the best man’s job to read out the telegrams so make sure you get these from the groom or the bride, preferably before the wedding starts.
Finally, try to give a speech which is consistent with your personality. In particular, if you’re a slightly introverted type then there’s no point trying to give a speech in the manner of a hugely extroverted and outgoing type. Make a couple of self-deprecating jokes and get the audience behind you. Also, don’t try to be really hilarious if you’re not confident that you’ll be able to get the response you want. Instead, if you make the speech generous and warm-hearted, people will enjoy just as much as they would enjoy a really funny speech.
Having written your speech, you now need to give it. Click here for help with delivering your speech.
